


You're a maze to me

by DrunkSmoochum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 22:14:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20053372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrunkSmoochum/pseuds/DrunkSmoochum
Summary: A short fic about Ben and Callum on the night of the stag-and hen- do's.





	You're a maze to me

**Author's Note:**

> I apologise beforehand for any mistakes!

It was a cliché really.

That´s why Ben wasn´t all that surprised to find Whitney and her galpals at the Prince Albert for her hen-do. That didn´t mean though that Ben wasn´t annoyed by it. They were being loud and far too happy for Ben who had sat sulking at the bar for the past two hours. He was suppose to be at the Vic for Callum´s stag-do, but he couldn´t do it. He couldn´t just sit there with Callum and watch him celebrate something Ben knew would be a mistake.

So he decided to go to the Prince Albert, the only place he was sure he wouldn´t find Callum and company. Only to be confronted by Whitney´s celebratory shouts and laughter. He rolled his eyes as he glanced over to the group chatting up a gay couple. Shaking his head, Ben turned back to his drink. ¨Could you be more embarrassing¨ he whispered to himself about the group as he downed the drink. His phone buzzed. Maybe it was wishful thinking but Ben hoped that it would be Callum asking where he was. They were supposed to be friends now after all.

Except it wasn´t Callum. It was Damon96xx, a guy Ben apparently matched with on his grindr app, attaching his location and asking to meet up. Ben sighed. He shoved his phone in the pocket of his jacket, not even bothering to reply to his match and stood up from where he was sitting.

-

Ben was sitting on one of the swings in the playground, swaying with his feet a little. His head hang low, frustrated with himself. He thought about it. Meeting up with Damon, have some fun. He just couldn´t do it. Just like the previous ten or twenty guys that he had matched with. Ben knew why and he hated himself for it. How could he let Halfway get so much under his skin. Why couldn´t he have fallen for someone else, someone who isn´t afraid to admit who and what he is.

¨Is this seat taken?¨

Ben looked up and saw Callum standing in front of him. He had a dopey smile on his face and pointed at the swing next to Ben. Before Ben could say something Callum had walked over to the seat, swaying a bit clumsily as he tried to sit down. It was obvious that Callum had been drinking. They sat there in silence.

¨Not that I am not enjoying this innovative talk¨ Ben said sounding exasperated. ¨ But aren´t you suppose to be at your stag-do? They can´t really have one without the groom to be.¨

There was another moment of silence. 

¨ You know I used to really like swinging, ¨ Callum replied, ignoring Ben´s question. ¨ It always made me feel very light.¨ He smiled widely at Ben as he pushed his feet against the ground and started to swing.

Ben watched him with a mixture of confusion and annoyment. What the hell was Callum playing at? Callum saw the look on Ben´s face, his smile fading. ¨You should swing, it´s real fun.¨

¨What is this Callum?¨ Ben asked annoyed. ¨Why are you here?¨

Callum dragged his feet over the ground, slowing down his swing until he was stilled. He looked at the ground. ¨you weren´t there.´ He said sounding small. ¨You said you would be at the Vic and you weren´t there.¨

And of course that was Callum´s answer. As if Ben didn´t feel bad enough already. Biting on the inside of his lip, Ben stood up. ¨ I can´t do this, Cal. I can´t be your _friend_.¨

¨You said you would-¨ Callum said standing up as well.

¨ I know! Jesus Cal.¨ Ben rubbed at his face annoyed because Callum didn't get it. ¨ I know what I said, but I can´t.¨

Callum looked down, not daring to look Ben in the eye and took a step forward. ¨Why not?¨

¨Because I am in love with you!¨ Ben almost shouted out of frustration. He lowered his voice when he saw Callum flinch. ¨ and I can´t be around you, knowing that you are making the biggest mistake of your life!.¨ he spoke the last part gritting his teeth.

¨I love Whitney.¨ Callum said determent, still not able to look Ben in the eye.

¨ I know that and I know that nothing is going to stop you from marrying her,¨ Ben said defeated ¨but please don´t expect me to be around.¨ He was on the verge of crying right now. ¨Do you have any idea how it feels to be second best? Because I do, I have been second best my whole life and I can´t do it anymore. I can´t be your second best.¨ Ben wiped away a tear from his cheek and sniffed. ¨Go back to your stag-do Cal.¨ and with that Ben walked away from Callum and the playground.

¨Ben wait!¨ Callum called after Ben but watched him walk away. If Ben had turned back he would have noticed the tears streaming down Callum´s face as well.

-  
Callum calmed himself down before going back to the Vic. He knew the guys were probably wondering where he got off to. He was right. The moment he walked back in there were loud cheers.

¨There he is! Man of the hour, watcha do? Sneak off to see the missus?¨ Mick said drunk as he wrapped his arm around Callum, rubbing his knuckels through the taller man´s hair as if he was a five year old. ¨You dog.¨

¨ I just needed some air.¨ Callum responded, wiggeling himself out of Mick´s grip.

It was the truth. He did go outside for some air. He was feeling suffocated by the group, who kept on talking about how the married life was going to be and how lucky he was to have Whitney. He agreed with the men, but something in the back of his mind was shouting at him. Was he living a lie? Did he want to be more than friends with Ben? Ben. Callum had looked around not seeing him anywhere and he felt like he was being choked. He didn´t expect to find Ben outside at the playground when he had ran outside though.

¨Everything okay bruv?¨ Stuart had walked up, noticing Callum turning into himself.

¨ yeah yeah.¨ Callum replied plastering a fake smile on his face. ¨ The air outside was just what I needed.¨ He lied.

Mick came back with two pints in his hand, handing one over to Callum. ¨I reckon you´d just need more alcohol.¨ The whole group laughed at that and went back to what they were talking about before. Something about who they would do if they had one last chance before getting married.

Callum sat down, listening to them naming all sorts of female actresses. When he was asked about who he would do, Callum´s panic rose as he realised he couldn´t think of any females.

He could only think of Ben.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first try at writing Ballum, let me know what you think :)
> 
> Also you can find me on Tumblr at they-call-me-halfway


End file.
